Scientists may never figure out why men love boobs so much. Chalk it up to evolution neurologically programming us. Or how, although all men realize they shouldn’t look at breasts, it's just hard not to. Because yes, we're just that basic. Here are the thoughts that go through men’s minds (or at least, my mind) when faced with breasts.
1. Oh, dammit, she’s wearing a low-cut top. OK, you can do this. You are a warrior.
2. Maintain eye-contact.
3. BOOBS! No, you idiot! You weren’t supposed to look.
4. Calm down. Get it together, brain. She didn’t notice your drifting gaze.
5. You’re paying attention to this conversation like a champ. Wait, what did her boobs look like again? NO! I AM NOT FALLING FOR THAT, MALE BRAIN! I am going to be polite. I’m going to be a gentleman.
6. Shit, she noticed that time. There is absolutely no reason to look down again.
7. BOOBS! I don’t even know what I’m thinking anymore.
8. *wordless conceptualization of breasts*
9. Oh, no. How long was I staring for? Seconds? Hours? I’ve lost all concept of time. She looks so angry.
10. She just asked me what time it is. Easy. “It's 1:30.” Nailed it.
11. Yes, and now I’m going to say something to indicate that I have absorbed all the information you’ve communicated to me and never once thought about looking at anything but your face. I was delighted to meet you as well.
