Much of your years on earth may have been a conscious effort to please your parents and to live up to their high standards.
There are a lot of people out there who have big dreams, who want to do something meaningful with their lives, but they are worried about what their parents will think. All this time, everything had to be the way their parents wanted it and now they are worried about abandoning them. They are worried about disappointing them. They are worried that, if they are to trust their guts and follow their hearts, that they may end up being disowned by the very people they owe their lives to.
The big question is, Why do your parents always want to decide for you? It is mostly for the best of reasons. Let's consider some of them.
1. They want to protect you. Your parents have the right to be caring, concerned and emotional. They don't want to see you fail. They want you to succeed at everything and never get hurt. But the world doesn't work that way. Shield a child from pain and she'll never really live
When your mum told you to study medicine / business / marketing / whatever at university, she meant well.
When she suggested that Bola had all the qualities she would want in a daughter-in-law, she meant well.
When your dad told you to take up that job, he was telling you what he thought you needed to hear.
They wanted you to be happy.
They wanted you to be fulfilled.
They wanted you to feel powerful, in control, and valuable.
They gave you the life plan they followed and you just need to follow the same life plan as them and with a bit of luck, you're going to be confident, strong, happy, fulfilled, and free. Right?
Unfortunately, no. Happiness doesn't work like that.
As important and innocent as parental guidance is in the life of their children, it is important to note that the effort to make kids into what their parents want them to be might not always be the best for them. Naturally, responsible parents want their children to be successful in life and this often drives them into taking various decisions for their children some of which might not just be what the child was cut out for.
Choosing careers for kids could lead to lifelong regrets as most parents often do not take into cognizance the talent, interest and capabilities of their kids and would rather they studied the popular courses; medicine, law engineering and the like. The kid in an effort to keep his reputation of being a bright chap would work very hard and graduate but might never find fulfillment in that profession.
The same scenario plays itself out in other situations like in choosing life partners, job preferences, etc.
Living someone else's life plan is the fastest and most consistent path to an unfulfilling, unrewarding, and frustrating existence.
You need to take a walk to the nearest bar to observe the disappointed, sad, and angry guys trying to forget their pain over bottles of beer to see how well living someone else’s life plan works.
2. Another reason is the fear of change.
Many parents don't want their kids deviating from the norm because then the parents themselves will have to figure out a new reality, a different and uncomfortable reality where their kid doesn’t follow the rules and act predictably.
They tell their kids "nobody in the family has ever taken that path before"
But hey, everything changes. Nothing stays the same.
3. They really do need you.
This is another reason why your parents may show resistance to you pursuing your dreams.
If you're an only child or somehow your parents’ life support system, you can’t just drop everything and head off into the world to chase your biggest dream, leaving your parents to fend for themselves. We totally get and respect that. Giving up your own ambitions to care for loved ones is nothing short of heroic.
You need to be careful here though. Many sons and daughters tell themselves that their parents can’t live without them, when in fact that’s just a convenient excuse to keep them from taking a scary leap.
These points above are some of the reasons why children are often ‘trapped’ in their parent’s dreams.
While you should hold nothing against your parents for the decisions they’ve taken or made you take all these years,-though you might have reasons to disagree with some of them,- you have to however decided that from now henceforth, you will be responsible for your actions. This doesn’t in any way suggest doing away with their superior advice and wise counsel, it only means that in taking decisions especially on issues that relates to your life and future, the first consideration will no more be what would be pleasing to your parents, but what you want for yourself and how such a decisions fits into your plans for a fulfilling life.
You must at a certain age begin to mould yourself into your dreams, not that of your parents. You must be bold enough to leave the comfort zone of your parent’s protection and chart a course for your own life. It doesn’t mean you should rebel, but to find a way to make them understand that you’ve got some plan which can work out fine with their support.
The best way you can take away all the insecurities they have about your dreams is to show them you succeeded. If you show confidence at what you are up to and work hard at it, your parents are sure to give you some benefit of doubt and support you if need be.
The crux of this issue is, you shouldn't let anything keep you from pursuing your dreams and finding fulfillment in your own life. You should appreciate your parent's love and concern towards you but the fact is, your parents have had their own lives. This is yours and it is incumbent on you to make the best of it. In the end, your parent's dream is the same as yours and that is to see you happy and successful. It’s just that you have a different way of getting there.
Feel free to contribute to this piece by sharing your experiences.
